squeerl

avva... i am in the here and now. i dont care whether i am gonna withdraw myself away from You again. i know i will. You know i will. But i am here now. You are here now. If we are both here then what can come between us? i dont care about my weakness or selfishness or ignorance or pride or stubborness or anything else. i know You are the one who loves, not me. Nothing else matters. I have killed my song Father. Make my song become alive again Lord God. Let the black clouds of merciful rain quench my thirst. Halleluja El Shaddai, Elohim, Savaoth... my weak little voice sings to the Eternal Lord of Fire and Light.

long before sunday

i wonder how would i be feeling today, if it was sunday instead of wednesday.
i'm glad it's not sunday. that's the difference. moods depend on such things as what day it is.
i finished my school-essay today. that makes the sun seem brighter. i feel it is more than ok. it is brilliant! (i think i'm gonna get a C- and take a dive from the clouds...)

i have decided that ι αμ νοτ γκοιν το ραιτ ιν ινγκλις ενιμορ. γκουντ φορ μι. νοτ γκουντ φορ δοουζ χου ντοντ σπικ γκρικ. μειμπι δει σουντ. μειμπι ιτ ισ ταιμ δε γκρικ λανγκουιντζ μπικειμ δε νιου ιντερνασιοναλ λανγγκουιντζ οφ κομιουνικεισιον. τελεια αντ παυλα.

hmmm

the here n now aint all about this moment after all i think... the past is captured in it and it brings itself forward constantly, which is not a bad thing.... i was exploring old cassettes last night listening to music i once held close... even found some old projects of mine, they sounded funny. It's raining outside. I wish it was raining on the inside as well. Cleansing rain. It's close though. I can feel dark clouds approaching. They seem to move without my help. Strange.
Last night somebody asked me what is it i wish for myself, and i found myself lost between words and images, not able to answer. Which is not a bad thing. I am in a good place of mind. A place filled with music and familiar presences... I think it is possible to be free inside no matter the circumstances outside... Freedom is passing through me every now and then leaving behind a sweet wetness...

here 'n now?

in a bus... everything looks so good from far away... admiration for the profession of the shepherds... admiration for the Sun... Tomorrow seems much brighter when you dont spend the whole afternoon waiting for it to come... life is like a movie you can only watch once...

must take granny for a ride.. again. why is it so difficult to hold on to the good and simple mentality of enjoying life? peace of mind... what do i need to trade for it..? granny?