Prayer II (profound nonsense talk)

words are no longer the proper media for proper expression.
You knew that already.
images are not empty enough.
You see.
I find no colours.
music is too weak. It can't carry the weight.
You hear.
-Do You?
Are You who You used to be?
I know I'm not.
I wish I were..
I wish I had changed for the better.
I haven't.
I'm stuck.
Am I still dear to You after all this?
Is there any going back?
The 'self' is too strong now...
the holes are too big.
the nonsense has become too profound.
the bondage is getting stronger as we speak.
one cannot be fed with memories.
that is not the role of the past.
it is not a refrigerator.
the present could be.
it should be.
an oven.
hmmm...
maybe it is the future that is the oven.
i am talking to myself again.
this will not work.
not this way.
this is not a dialogue.
this is not accepting either.
must accept the not accepting.
must accept not to try to accept the not accepting.
must forget the must.
delete the must.
hey,You...
sorry, this was supposed to be different.
my stomach has started to fail me.
maybe that's only a good sign.
a sign that at least a part of me is reacting to all this.
all this profound nonsense.